by Sir Clarence of The Chare
chapter one
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Aycliffe, where the good citizens lived in “wards”. there roamed the dreaded traffic monsters. They appeared to be many species from minis to the giant Green Arriva although the lesser spotted double decker seems to be extinct.
The said citizens of this pleasant land paid their taxes, rents and generally went about their business. Years passed and the monsters seemed to increase in population, so much so roads were blocked, grass verges became unrecognisable.
Parking was at a premium. the Green Arriva could often be seen snaking its way around the streets, honking its disapproval at getting into scrapes with other monsters.whilst trying to get to the Kingdoms of Darlington, Bishop Auckland and beyond.
But behold help was at hand, because also living in this Kingdom was a drive way fairy named Livinia. Dressed in her pink and black livery, she could often be seen flitting about the land. Livinia had the power to stop all this, so she set about her work in earnest flying high above the streets. With a wave of her wand and a sprinkle of fairy dust drive ways just appeared.
Her generosity knew no bounds as she flew high above Anne Swyft, Bede and Baliol,Clarence Close (oops that’s a mistake) too late already done, oh well, never mind. drives and laybys became her speciality.
Bury, Greathead, Van Mildert next. boundaries were crossed and budgets blown, well not for the good of everyone it would seem. The poor citizens of The Chare were overlooked once again. Livinia’s magic was not powerful enough for drives, try as they migh, every time she waved her wand she was met with resistance and only footpaths appeared.
chapter two
Over the years the citizens of The Chare have learned to endure this great injustice as local councillors and landlords visited, wrung their hands and scratched their heads in despair. Many reasons have been offered – services underneath the verges, boundaries, budgets, ownerships of land and many other plausible excuses. No room for laybys here, just in places like Baliol, Dixon and Hopper paid for by neighbourhood budgets I fancy or maybe not. What makes us different we ask? Do we not warrant such riches?
Maybe our traffic monsters should block the way or turn our streets into a ‘drag strip’. Is this the answer? No, because then we would become common criminals or at the very least be guilty of a breach of the peace.
In this year of 2014 I would asume that all houses have boundaries do they not? The ownership of land should be of little consequence to tenants. I’m sure it could be transferred quite easily and painlessly between the relevant authorities.
Common sense would then prevail, monsters would be tamed and the citizens would all rejoice. Councillors might even become heroes – maybe? Oh wel,l we can always dream.
The End (Name and address supplied)
